please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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