Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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