Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
