Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
