I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
