I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
