I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
