My room smells like vodka and shame
This girl is more easily done than said...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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