I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
did i just pee glitter
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
