I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
