She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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