When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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