matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize