Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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