he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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