im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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