If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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