i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
