that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
