I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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