I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
