Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My dick has a subreddit
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
