So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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