from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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