What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
