Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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