How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
