Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
