he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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