I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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