Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
