There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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