It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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