Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
