Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
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I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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