He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
