I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
