when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
