I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
