i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
