Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
