What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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