I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
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i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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