Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize