On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
