He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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