He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
