What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
