He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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