The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
