Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize