So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
