just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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