My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
