yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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