Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
