i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
