i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
